Pest @ Church

DEAR FRIAR RICK: We are a happily married couple with two children born far apart from each other: Luke, a 5-year-old boy, and Joanna, a 16-year-old girl. I am a devout Catholic while my husband, fundamentally a good man, is a lukewarm Baptist. I believe we made some mistakes in bringing up our daughter Joanna, in that we never bothered to send her to Sunday School, nor to Mass, for that matter. While she has never given us any real trouble so far, she now says she wants to become an atheist, and lately she has been hanging out with a group of wild friends.

I would not like to make the same mistakes with Luke, so I am bringing him to Mass with me on Sunday. Lately, however, Luke, has been complaining about this, saying that he gets bored at Mass, and that he would much rather stay at home and play games or watch TV with his father, whom he does not get to see much of during the week. What should I do, Friar Rick? Is Mass too early for a 5-year-old kid?

 

I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but taking your son Luke to Mass every single Sunday will not guarantee he will follow through into adulthood. I can introduce you to plenty of parents who have done just that and whose children have left the practice of Sunday Mass. I can also introduce you to lots of young adults whose parents never practiced any kind of religion, and who as adults chose to become practicing Catholics. The key thing to remember here is that faith is a gift from God. It is God acting in our lives and inviting us to grow closer to Him. It’s also about our choice to respond to that invitation. That ‘yes’ to God can happen at any time in life. So, take a break from the guilt trip regarding your daughter Joanna. God has not finished with her yet. In fact the best thing you can do is not to nag her about Mass, but rather be a powerful witness yourself of what going to church on Sunday does for you, and how it makes you a better person.

With regards to bringing our 5-year-old son Luke to Mass on Sunday, I would say wholeheartedly: “Yes! Bring him with you to Mass.” 

A parish where you cannot hear the pitter-patter of little feet and the occasional crying baby is a parish that had better start looking for a ‘For Sale’ sign because it is surely a dying community. Welcoming children at Mass can be a challenge if the parish priest and community are not understanding. You would not believe the number of complaints I received as a pastor about children being fed Cheerios in the pews by their parents. I have personally witnessed the Monday morning cleaning of the church, and seen the spilled Cheerios, toys, books and milk bottles that are left behind as people try and keep their children calm during Mass. It’s possible to do. It does work and it is worth it. Here are a couple of ideas.



First of all change your attitude. Your experience of going to Mass is going to be different with a child. You’re not going to be able to escape to an exquisite mystical experience. Accept that fact and things will go a lot easier for you. It’s like going to the movies with your children. You cannot ever expect to see the film. You are there for the children. The same is true for young children. You are there for them! It’s an investment.



Secondly, avoid the ‘family’ or  ‘crying’ rooms at the back of the church unless your child is having a melt-down during Mass. Instead, sit in the very first pew of the church were your son Luke can actually see what is happening. During  the liturgy you can quietly explain things to him and describe what he is seeing. If he misbehaves, you can take him to the back of the church to calm down and then bring him back again to the front. This is a good way to teach him what is expected behaviour in a church and, for that matter, in any public space.



Thirdly, many parishes have a special ‘Liturgy of the Word’ where the children listen to the Scriptures in a manner better suited to them, and the parents get to have some quiet to hear the Word and the homily. Look for parish that offers this service and, if none does… well then start it yourself!