Seeds of Faith

DEAR Mr. Pfister, my daughter will be home from college for a month between semesters. During her first semester away, we’ve noticed some signs of her drifting from her faith – missing Sunday Mass, avoiding the family Rosary on weekends home, and sharing that some of her new friends have mocked her for going to Mass. This has prompted a lot of self-reflection from my husband and me. How, if at all, can we lovingly encourage her to re-engage with her faith while she’s away at school? And secondly, how can we apply what we’re learning from this experience to better support the faith journeys of our younger children who are still at home?

These are two thoughtful and deeply relatable questions – ones that many parents are also likely asking themselves. While there are many ways to approach your concerns, I’d like to focus on one key point for each that I believe is especially important.

First, regarding your younger children who are still at home: the most important thing you can do is help them build a personal relationship with God. It’s essential to create a home environment that nurtures not just rule-following, but true understanding – a place where faith is not just about obligations, but about love and relationship.

As children grow in maturity, our parenting needs to shift from “because we said so” to helping them understand why we live the way we do as Catholics. Too often, well-meaning parents I work with focus too heavily on ensuring their children follow the rules – of the faith, of the home, of school. But without understanding the deeper why – that these ‘rules’ are actually meant to safeguard and nurture their bond with God – faith can easily start to feel like a checklist of obligations rather than a meaningful relationship with God.

When a child begins to understand that God is not a distant figure or simply a giver of rules, but a loving Father who desires a relationship with them, their hearts are more naturally drawn to live in a way that reflects that love – much like they seek to please their parents, not just out of duty, but out of love. This relationship will become the steady foundation of their faith, carrying them through their joys and sorrows.

Now, regarding your daughter who’s away at college: while you can no longer direct her choices, you can still lovingly invite her to take ownership of her faith. Encourage her to see her relationship with God as her own – something personal, not merely inherited or imposed. This is a pivotal time for her, and she may need to hear – gently, and from a place of love – that her faith is now her responsibility. Have an open, heartfelt conversation with her. Let her know how much you love her and that, regardless of the past, this is her opportunity to choose a renewed relationship with God – one that will sustain her in ways no friendship, success, or worldly achievement ever could.

And most importantly – pray. Pray for her, and for all your children, that they may respond to God’s invitation to a deep and lasting relationship with Him. God never forces Himself – He waits patiently, lovingly – but as their parents, your prayers carry great power in helping open their hearts to Him.